Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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