You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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