do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
