Swine flu. Run for my life!
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
