I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
