yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
