The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
