Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
