There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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