Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
