dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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