whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
