It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
