he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
