i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
And then he peed in my hair
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