I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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