Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
