she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
