Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
