the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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