He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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