Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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