Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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