The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
