I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize