they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize