I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
