dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
