four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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