Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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