What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
