yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
