This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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