Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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