And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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