Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I checked into jail on foursquare
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
