why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
