i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize