haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
