Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
