my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I CAN MOONWALK!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
