That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
