Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
