I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
