he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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