You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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