Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
