I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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