Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
