Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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