Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
