Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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