arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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