UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
