onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
