Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
