Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize