I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
