why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
