Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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