ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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