I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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