I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
