I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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