He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
