therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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