I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
