i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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