Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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