OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize