Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
