i was rollin on her like bob the builder
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
