yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Randomize
